What's in a Nickname?

In a series of measures to test whether students are paying attention, Rollins has placed our beloved mascot, the Tar, up for adoption. We may have a chance to save it, though the administration appears set on changing it to something hipper and more easily understood to outsiders. Their ongoing search mirrors similar journeys to find a new college logo and shortened name. Recently, an email survey was sent to gauge the reception that a new nickname would garner, and it was quickly volleyed back, with 60% of respondents suggesting we retain the Tar. 20% offered that the “Fox” should be its successor, but the ruling class has announced that it carries “gender connotations” that would be wholly undesirable. This decision also sets a precedent that would immediately rule out the blue-footed booby. A second survey has been issued, this time presenting five choices, with the option to rank each in the order of one’s liking.

The first choice in the list of five was the Tar, which, naturally, should be everyone’s first choice. The Tar is not only historical, as it directly relates to our past, but it is unique, for no other college in the country uses it as its mascot. Its peculiarity leads to discussions about its origin, allowing people to learn about our school. As we all should know, during World War I, the majority of Rollins’ male students joined the navy. As sailors, they were constantly engaged with tar, which was used to waterproof parts of a ship, and some cases, even clothing. With a naval vessel in use on Lake Virginia, the girls on campus would call the sailors “Tars.” Removing the Tar would cause us to forget about our dedication to service, and it would keep others from learning about our proud history as well.

The second choice was “Mariners,” a name shared by Seattle’s professional baseball team. On the positive side, it would maintain the maritime theme set by the Tar. As for the negative side, there is one pressing issue: what exactly is a mariner? Whereas the Tar elicits a Rollins-related explanation when one asks what it is, the mariner has none. Despite this shortcoming, though, the “First Mates” organization may benefit from the name. Part of the aim of the First Mates is to come up with clever chants to lead the crowd in during sporting events. In the case of last month’s basketball game against the Florida Gators, the two most prevalent chants were the all-too-common “Let’s go Rollins” and the even less inspired “UF sucks.” With this proposed name change, they can always fall back on simply reciting Coleridge’s “Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” Thus, when an opposing player “Listens like a three years’ child, the Mariners hath his will!” Opposing teams will become so enthralled in the epic poem that the game will seem insignificant to the consuming verse, ensuring Rollins’ victory. Other teams do this with cheerleaders; to each, his own, I guess.

“Raiders” was the third choice, borrowing the name of the NFL team presently in Oakland. This could offer the easiest transition, as “raider” could be defined as “pirate,” which would make sense with the First Mates, whose t-shirts are already emblazoned with a skull and crossbones. Everyone would respond well to the pirate theme, because, well, pirates are awesome. Negative side effects may include increased rum consumption and debauchery, while possible positives may include increased rum consumption and debauchery. We could also nickname our nickname the “Raid Brigade,” which would be cute. Overall, perception of the Raider image would depend on one’s stance on pillaging.

“Suns” was listed next in the survey. While the “Rollins Suns” does sound appealing, this too continues the string of professional sports swipes, this case being with Phoenix, Arizona’s NBA franchise. If Rollins decides to retain the motto “Fiat Lux,” however, this could be a winning combination. Attendance at sporting events may dwindle with this change, though, for staring at our teams too long may cause cataracts. And with cancer’s presence in today’s society, the First Mates might want to spend their Fox Funds purchasing SPF-30 lotions to distribute at athletics both in and out of doors.

The “Lakers” was the fifth choice, and obviously the worst. If no one knows what a Tar is, how is anyone going to know what a “Laker” is? Even Microsoft Word rejects both its singular form and its pluralized brethren that lack a capitalized “L.” Sure, we have a lake, but does that really make us lakers? People would see it as being too similar to the Los Angeles Lakers anyway, for the names are, in fact, identical. The popularity of the basketball team makes it obvious that we’ve ripped them off. Besides that, though, Los Angeles’ team shouldn’t even be called “Lakers” to begin with. What lakes are in LA? Maybe the name made more sense when they were the Minneapolis Lakers (10,000 times more sense, to be exact), but now it’s just silly. Los Angeles is obviously devoid of originality, for all that Hollywood can come up with are remakes, sequels, and sequels of remakes. But that’s not to accuse them of being the only team to stubbornly retain its nickname, despite the lack of city-mascot cohesion. When New Orleans’ NBA team moved to Utah, you’d think they would have the sense to stop calling themselves the Jazz; the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was never led by Duke Ellington.

These choices may not be the most intimidating when given the breadth of mascots to choose from, for this country’s sports landscape is littered with Lions, Tigers, Bears, and other “Oh-my!”-inducing carnivores. Considering the range of nicknames found in lesser-known leagues, though, our choices aren’t as wimpy as they could be. Take Japan’s Nippon Professional Baseball, which features such intimidating forces as the “Swallows” and the “Carp.” Even our country’s Major League Soccer throws in two alternative types of names, in the case of Red Bull New York and the Chicago Fire. American Minor League Baseball teams also have their share of oddities, in the case of the Toledo Mud Hens, the Nashville Sounds, and the Montgomery Biscuits. If our choice would come down to an animal, hopefully it would be higher than the last few links on the food chain.

As much as college is a whirlwind of change, can we at least be stuck as Tars? I don’t think the college will earn the commitment of a highly-touted athlete because we’re Swans, or Pancakes, or Snapple. Sure, we all want to be Foxes, but let’s face it, we already are. Just be happy to be a Tar, or you might wake up one day as a Newt.