New, Or Slightly Refurbished?

How can you reinvent yourself if you don’t yet have a complete “self” to reinvent? Without knowing how you act in unfamiliar situations (like the ones that college presents), what gives you the right to quantify unexpected responses as inconsistent with your personality? I feel that we don’t truly become developed people until we’ve met the challenges that arise in life; when we do, our personalities grow, and though they may appear to change, they are merely accommodating the deeper concepts we attain that our formerly naїve ideas can no longer exist among.

I always anticipated that my time in college would define me, and throughout grade school, I did little more than bide my time and wait for it to arrive. The problem was, I did very little more than bide my time. I avoided most schoolwork, creating the image of being incredibly lazy, all the while dreaming about how when I get to college, I would completely dedicate myself to my work. Late in my junior year, however, I stumbled upon the inherent fallacy to this plan: How would I get accepted into college when I was in no way acceptable? I then started to experiment with what doing work was like, earning straight-A’s in my senior year and glimpsing the vision of the horrible truth that it was easier to do the work than not do it. I completed the year and graduated, but despite this 4th-quarter comeback, the points didn’t add up to a win, for by then, the door was closed to even the well-known “safety school,” UCF.

I was distraught to make the decision to do what I considered “settling,” which was enrolling at Valencia. Really, though, it wasn’t a decision at all, because there was no alternative to going to a community college; I was not going to abandon my education. From the first day of classes, I came prepared with my intellect, for I knew that I didn’t know what to expect, and because of this, I needed to put forth my best effort to have any chance of succeeding. It was a challenge, and even more so, I enjoyed it. Before I knew it, each glimpse of free time was met with one thought: what can I do for school? All of my energy was focused toward success, and above all other outcomes, it was rewarding. Without ever consciously approaching it as a test of who I was, it validated the dreams I had of who I would become when college arrived.

At this time, I was even working twice a week, but the time spent at the golf course was no detraction to my efforts. Because of my tight schoolwork schedule, I never went to my job worried about my academic responsibilities. It was my time to focus my effort towards something else, all while breathing fresh air, enjoying the stable work, and letting thoughts drift in my mind.

Not only was school positively affecting my time at work, but even the subtleties of my personality were affected. A particular weekend visit by my grandparents seemed to crystallize what had become of me. From the time I answered the door, my grandmother noticed several subtle differences in my body language and demeanor. Based on how she knew I felt toward high school, she rightly surmised that I had finally “found my niche.” My grandfather, knowing how diligent I had become in my studies, asked me what I was doing for fun. I was surprised by the quickness with which the answer came to mind: “work.” “No, that’s for money,” he had replied, but I had given the answer and was convinced beyond doubt that it was right. School was satisfying and work was fun. What had happened to me?

It may be that I just wanted to become responsible. In high school, every missing homework assignment was met with a teacher’s ugly stare, whereas in college, the people we must face when making poor grades are ourselves. Similarly, we are no longer prodded into extracurricular activities; we can make our own choices regarding how involved or anonymous we want to be. In grade school, it was as if each assignment were simply for the teacher’s pleasure, which made nothing worth doing. Each paper fed them; they devoured the fruits of our wasted time to sustain their ravenous gluttony. Based on their disappointment when assignments weren’t turned in, this has to be true.

After escaping high school, I didn’t anchor myself with low expectations of what Valencia might offer, but rather, approached it with the thought that it was better than I. And I was right. Each of my professors exceeded what I could have ever imagined, especially after middle and high-school years peppered with teachers who were egocentric, self-absorbed, or in some cases, conceited. Thinking back on my English teachers alone, they could more than inspire a book entitled The Six People You Meet in Hell that Teach English. It’s a wonder I’ve decided to study the language as my major, much less continue speaking it. I had always maintained hope that they would be fired, but somehow, each remained as flame retardant as the last.

The “life-changing” experience that college provides may not truly inspire a change at all, but rather, a creation, allowing young people to find what their responses are when faced with unfamiliar choices and challenges. For me, college was (and is) a revelation; the freedom it allows was just what I needed to ignite my motivation and become who I always imagined I could be. Valencia gave me the chance to become my own person on my own terms, and I accepted it. It also allowed me the qualifications to come to Rollins, where I couldn’t have been accepted before without the donation of a new lake.